stream of conciousness

Yeah you heard me! I'm a senior! How crazy!!! I feel like I've grown so much since I was a freshman. Maybe not physically... but definitely spiritually and emotionally. This is so insane though. In a few months... I'll know where I'm going to spend the next four years of my life... IN COLLEGE!!! It's seriously blowing my mind.

So on a very irrelevant topic, it's too cold for November. It feels like it should be snowing. but is it? NO! gr

CADDY SMELLED LIKE TREES... I like trees....

^^ The Sound and the Fury. confusing, but somewhat enjoyable. That's what my fall oral is going to be on. sounds fun right? wrong. I'm not particularly looking forward to that adventure. But, considering that I've gotten 100s on all of the quizzes relating to said book... I think I don't have much to worry about.

So I'm pretty excited. Why, you may ask? Well be patient, dear friend, and I will tell you. BECAUSEEEEE Chris is getting this game for the XBOX Kinect. It's pretty much a dance party. In honor of such a wonderful invention... we're having a dance party after the Mauldin tournament Saturday night. It should be a fun time. Although... there's going to be a massive amount of white boy dancing going on.

So yesterday I got a lot of college application stuff done. I've already done turned my USC application in (please please please accept me :)) Yesterday I sent in my app for Winthrop and all I have left to do is turn in Francis Marion, App State, and those darn scholarship essays. But I'll get it done :) Cause I'm cool like that.

LIKE A G6. LIKE A G6. NOOOOOW I'M FEELIN SO FLY LIKE A G6.

Did you know that a "G6" is a jet plane? who knew??!!! not me I'll tell you that much.

Well sorry if I bored you a little bit. Next time maybe I'll have something more interesting to talk about... but in the mean time.... love, learn, and live <3>

Unfailing Love

Isaiah 54:10
Though the mountains be shaken

and the hills be removed,

yet my unfailing love for you will not be shaken

nor my covenant of peace be removed,”

says the Lord, who has compassion on you.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=k_MyC6kJzPg

Reflections

This summer has been the most surprising summer. I learned more about myself and about the people around me. For example, I learned that hating people for no good reason at all... doesn't get you very far. People can surprise you when you get to know them. I learned that comparing myself to others doesn't get me very far either. I forget time and time again that I have been made by God for a purpose. Perhaps that purpose doesn't require me to have an IB diploma. Perhaps that purpose doesn't require me to be athletic. Perhaps that purpose doesn't require me to be the smartest in my class. God has a reason for me being who I am, and it's about time that I embrace it. Another thing I learned is that when I'm myself, I make a lot more friends than when I'm trying to be someone else. I also learned that I love Youtube videos :) I learned that it's about time I become friends with my big sister. I learned that material possessions like iPods and digital cameras aren't necessary for me to be happy. Story? I was at mission trip, right? And so when we went to our site I put my camera and iPod and stuff in my backpack. I had my sunscreen and bug spray in a seperate bag so that if it busted, it wouldn't mess anything up. Well, not only did they burst, but the bag opened as well. Now, my iPod doesn't have a working screen and my camera can't take a picture in focus. Does all of that matter in the long run? Will me not having those things affect my life as I know it? The answer: no. I learned that I need to spend as much time as I can with my friends, because before I know it, we're going to be graduated from high school... going to different colleges...living different lives. So this year, I'm a new person. Maybe not completely, but aspects of me are definitely going to be different.

Thanks for reading! (yeah, right.)

A Weight Has Been Lifted

So I was at Garden City Beach Camp a couple of weeks ago, right? Well while I was there I took this class called "Testify" pretty much talking about how we can witness in our every day lives. Well on one of the days, we read this verse in Revelation and it was talking about what Hell would be like. Our teacher asked us how it made us feel and I said that it makes me want to reach some of my friends more. I talked about how one reason I felt so strongly about Gary dying was because I wonder what more I could have done as a friend to make sure of his destination. My teacher said that she understood and that we can't save everyone. Sometimes there's not much more you can do than be a Godly example, especially when they are confident in their own religion. Although I don't want that to be an excuse, it really made me feel a lot better about the situation. A weight truly has been lifted off of my shoulders. It's way overdue. And though I will always miss him and love him, I'm finally accepting that sometimes, you don't have control and you shouldn't feel guilty.

Today's Gary's birthday... 18th to be exact. This is the hardest I've cried for him. I was reading over his blog and he kept talking about how awesome his senior year was going to be and how he hopes he'll still talk to these people when he's like 30. gosh it freaking kills me. I need something to distract me. Something to make me smile. I miss him so much. so terribly much.

Summer is here!

So yesterday was Graduation!!! I was so excited for the Class of 2010! They have had an extremely hard year and they got through it! They had an empty chair for Gary. They also gave his family his diploma. I cried. a lot. But I could feel that he was there in spirit. Then after that, Worthy, Nia and I roamed around Furman until it was time for Lizzie's concert! She beasted by the way. So that start of summer was awesome. Then today came. I've been doing Formspring for awhile right? Well I get up this morning and see that I have a question that says "Please fix your fugly teeth". Rude much? 1) Considering I've been living with my teeth like this for quite some time you would think that I would notice that my teeth aren't particularly straight and pretty, but I guess I'm blind or something because they felt the need to remind me. 2) I can't just go "oh, my teeth aren't pretty. *poof* all better! no! I need braces, I'm aware. But you know how much braces cost? THOUSANDS of dollars! Maybe the person who wrote that "question" hasn't had money problems all of their life, but my family has. My mom was a single mom from the time I was in 2nd grade until around 6th grade. My stepdad lost his job about 2 years ago. We have had health insurance on and off for the past year. He finally got a new job that will cover 50% of the braces cost. First, though, both my stepdad and my mom have broken teeth that give them pain that needs to be taken care of. Also, I'll have to get my wisdom teeth taken out before I get braces. Then we'll have to wait for more money to become available once that procedure is done. Then considering how screwed up my teeth are, it's going to take quite a few years having braces before they're fixed. 3) When you say something that rude, at least be courageous enough to say who you are. Don't hide behind anonymousity! That just makes you a coward, and NO ONE respects a coward.
So yeah. That's how I feel about that. If someone has something to say about me, say it to my face. Think about what you're saying before you say it. Don't be a jerk. Nobody likes them.

John 16: 33

"I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world" 

It's so amazing how God speaks to me. The book I'm reading for Discipleship right now is called "Forgotten God" by Francis Chan. I recommend it. But yeah. So it's all about the Holy Spirit and recently it's been talking about peace which I desperately need. And so I have that. And I'm reading along and it says "Right now I want you to take a break and open your Bible to the book of John. Read chapters 14 through 16 and give yourself some space to soak in the words you read". So before church Wednesday night that's what I did. And John 16:33 was the last verse. How awesome is that?! And it doesn't stop there. That night guess what the topic was.... PEACE! and earlier this week I was on Youtube and I heard this song by Mercyme called "I Would Die For You". AMAZING song! The first verse is this:

And I know that I can find You here
'Cause You promised me You'll always be there
Times like these, it's hard to see
But somehow I have a peace, You're near
And I pray that You will use my life
In whatever way Your name is glorified
Even if surrendering
Means leaving everything behind

amazing right?! Completely relevant to my life right now! God is good. no, not good, GREAT! no, not great, amazing. no, not amazing, INDESCRIBABLE! I love Him! I can't wait to see what He does with my life!!!