In the past few months I've had some of my close friends happen upon my blog. My first thought was "Well, this is embarrassing." Then, to my surprise, I was told that I should start blogging again. That got me thinking "Why has it been two and a half years since the last time I blogged?" After a lot of thought I've come to a conclusion. It would be really easy for me to say that the last time I blogged frequently I was going through a hard time, and I've been doing fine since then. The first part of that is true, but there's been some big transitions like graduating college, finding a job, first year of teaching, second year of teaching (just to name a few). But in all of those things I haven't felt like I needed to voice them here.
Here's my conclusion: I've been playing the comparison game like a pro. Blogs have become something every twenty-something Christian hipster girl is doing. They all have such wise things to say, beautiful pictures to go with it, and an audience that shares their posts as if they are a new addition to the Bible. Make no mistake, I'm not tearing down those blogs or the effect they have on the readers. I have my favorite blogs that I always read, and look to when I need to hear some general wisdom.
Throughout the past couple of years, I've been looking at these blogs and thinking "These girls have something to say and know how to say it. There's nothing for me to add here." Any time I've thought about blogging, I've told myself that it's already being said, and by someone whose blog is nicer and more eloquent. Comparing myself to others is nothing new to me. I've been doing this since elementary school. I compared myself to what the other girls in my class were wearing or doing. In middle school this looked like making sure my hair was a straight as other girls and trying to make friends with the "right people". Even in church I looked to compare myself spiritually to where others were. Depending on who I was around, I either felt inferior or superior. I'm sure as you are reading this, it sounds familiar. Even if it doesn't look like my particular examples, I've found that we all look to others to rate ourselves on how well we are doing in life.
The good news: despite all my failures and shortcomings, I have acceptance from Christ. God knew I would fail to measure up. In fact, he is fully aware of every failure, and every future failure. Even in this knowing, He chose me and delights in me. Ephesians 2:12-13 says "remember that you were at that time separated from Christ alienated from the commonwealth of Israel and strangers to the covenants of promise, having no hope and without God in the world. But now in Christ Jesus you who once were far off have been brought near by the blood of Christ." If my Creator, who knows all of my flaws, loves and accepts me deeper than any human ever can, then I have the freedom to no longer compare. God has created me intentionally and everything He gives me is what is good for me.
Even as I typed this novel of a blog post, I questioned God's truth, and needed to look up what God's word actually says about me.
"For I am sure that neither death nor life, no angels nor rulers, nor things present no things to come, nor powers, nor height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God in Christ Jesus our Lord." -Romans 8:38-39
"But God, being rich in mercy, because of the great love with which he loved us, even when we were dead in our trespasses made us alive together with Christ-- by grace you have been saved"- Ephesians 2:4-5
Lord, I believe, Help my unbelief.
Here's my conclusion: I've been playing the comparison game like a pro. Blogs have become something every twenty-something Christian hipster girl is doing. They all have such wise things to say, beautiful pictures to go with it, and an audience that shares their posts as if they are a new addition to the Bible. Make no mistake, I'm not tearing down those blogs or the effect they have on the readers. I have my favorite blogs that I always read, and look to when I need to hear some general wisdom.
Throughout the past couple of years, I've been looking at these blogs and thinking "These girls have something to say and know how to say it. There's nothing for me to add here." Any time I've thought about blogging, I've told myself that it's already being said, and by someone whose blog is nicer and more eloquent. Comparing myself to others is nothing new to me. I've been doing this since elementary school. I compared myself to what the other girls in my class were wearing or doing. In middle school this looked like making sure my hair was a straight as other girls and trying to make friends with the "right people". Even in church I looked to compare myself spiritually to where others were. Depending on who I was around, I either felt inferior or superior. I'm sure as you are reading this, it sounds familiar. Even if it doesn't look like my particular examples, I've found that we all look to others to rate ourselves on how well we are doing in life.
The good news: despite all my failures and shortcomings, I have acceptance from Christ. God knew I would fail to measure up. In fact, he is fully aware of every failure, and every future failure. Even in this knowing, He chose me and delights in me. Ephesians 2:12-13 says "remember that you were at that time separated from Christ alienated from the commonwealth of Israel and strangers to the covenants of promise, having no hope and without God in the world. But now in Christ Jesus you who once were far off have been brought near by the blood of Christ." If my Creator, who knows all of my flaws, loves and accepts me deeper than any human ever can, then I have the freedom to no longer compare. God has created me intentionally and everything He gives me is what is good for me.
Even as I typed this novel of a blog post, I questioned God's truth, and needed to look up what God's word actually says about me.
"For I am sure that neither death nor life, no angels nor rulers, nor things present no things to come, nor powers, nor height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God in Christ Jesus our Lord." -Romans 8:38-39
"But God, being rich in mercy, because of the great love with which he loved us, even when we were dead in our trespasses made us alive together with Christ-- by grace you have been saved"- Ephesians 2:4-5
Lord, I believe, Help my unbelief.
