John 16: 33

"I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world" 

It's so amazing how God speaks to me. The book I'm reading for Discipleship right now is called "Forgotten God" by Francis Chan. I recommend it. But yeah. So it's all about the Holy Spirit and recently it's been talking about peace which I desperately need. And so I have that. And I'm reading along and it says "Right now I want you to take a break and open your Bible to the book of John. Read chapters 14 through 16 and give yourself some space to soak in the words you read". So before church Wednesday night that's what I did. And John 16:33 was the last verse. How awesome is that?! And it doesn't stop there. That night guess what the topic was.... PEACE! and earlier this week I was on Youtube and I heard this song by Mercyme called "I Would Die For You". AMAZING song! The first verse is this:

And I know that I can find You here
'Cause You promised me You'll always be there
Times like these, it's hard to see
But somehow I have a peace, You're near
And I pray that You will use my life
In whatever way Your name is glorified
Even if surrendering
Means leaving everything behind

amazing right?! Completely relevant to my life right now! God is good. no, not good, GREAT! no, not great, amazing. no, not amazing, INDESCRIBABLE! I love Him! I can't wait to see what He does with my life!!!

Encouraging Verses

And we rejoice in the hope of the glory of God. Not only so, but we also rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope. And hope does not disappoint us, because God has poured out His love into our hearts by the Holy Spirit, whom He has given us. -Romans 5:2-5

Blessed is the man who perseveres under trial, because when he has stood the test, he will receive the crown of life that God has promised to those who love him. -James 1:12

The Spirit of the world cannot accept Him, because it neither sees Him nor knows Him. But you know Him, for he lives with you and will be in you. -John 14:17

But if Christ is in you, your body is dead because of sin, yet your spirit is alive because of righteousness. And if the Spirit of Him who raised Jesus from the dead is living in you, he who raised Christ from the dead will also give life to your mortal bodies through His Spirit, who lives in you. -Romans 8:10-11

For God, who said "Let light shine out of the darkness," made his light shine in our hearts to give us the light of the knowledge of the glory of God in the face of Christ. -2 Corinthians 4:6

Therefore we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day. -2 Corinthians  2:16

Oceans from the Rain

And I'm amazed by you, cause you're never far away

And all that I've been through, your love has never changed

You make oceans from the rain

Breathing life into this place

and I will drown inside your love

until I see your perfect face

And nothing I've acquired means anything at all

Cause you're everything I needed

You're so much more than I deserve

You make oceans from the rain

Breathing life into this place

And I will drown inside your love

Until I see your perfect face

And I thank you, Lord

And I thank you, Lord

And I thank you, Lord

And I thank you, Lord. 

You make oceans from the rain

Breathing life into this place

And I will drown inside your love

Until I see your perfect face

The blood of Jesus will wash it all away. 

~Seventh Day Slumber, Oceans from the Rain.

This is such an amazing worship song! The beautiful rain today reminded me of it. It's so encouraging. Throughout all of the storms in your life, He'll make beautiful oceans from the rain. He'll never fail me. He'll always be there. 

sigh

It's times like these when I wish it could have been different. I can't get to sleep tonight. And usually on nights like these I would text Jordan and he would say, "Well what's on your mind, babe?". Even if there was absolutely nothing we would talk until I fell asleep. We agreed we would be friends, but he hates me. He has to for what I did. I still am not ready to get back together with him, and I don't know if I ever will, but he always knew how to just listen. But we're not to the point yet when i can just text him as a friend and everything be OK. I miss what we were. Before all the arguments and before he went to college and before we both changed. Things were just different. I know I'll find that again somewhere with someone, but right now it's just hard. Like last night, I heard the (only) song we danced to at prom last year. and what did I do? I cried. Like a little baby I cried. It was horrible. I'm not saying (please don't misinterpret) that I'm wanting to get back together with him. If we do get back together it will not be anytime soon. Considering that I really need to focus on other things and he needs to show me that he can change even when the shock of all this is over. But I guess this is all just part of the process. Tomorrow I'll probably want to cry because I'll think of how he used to send me cute little texts in the middle of the school day. He hasn't done that in quite some time, but just like that dance at prom, it will all come flooding back to me. I hope he knows that I don't regret the past 3 years. I wouldn't take it back for anything in the world, but I think that it's time we both figure things out for ourselves. 

sigh: the summary of my emotions right now. 

New Chapter

So in case you're actually out there reading this blog of my life, you may have noticed via Facebook, that Jordan and I are no longer together. 

It wasn't easy if that's what you're thinking. It wasn't one of those, "I'm really tired of you so I think I'm just going to end it." and I don't have another guy on the line. 

So why did I break up with my boyfriend of over 3 years? Well, I'll tell you. Things weren't working out. Now I know that sounds so general, but it's true. When you're on the opposite side of the state as the person you are dating... it gets kind of complicated. We were fighting more than we were simply talking. It wasn't fun. There were more bad times than good, and when that happens, you know it's time to split. 

Am I happy about this? Not particularly. But I do know that I needed a break from it all. I cry every now and then, which should be expected. This isn't something that will just blow over though. It's a break. I don't need to be tied down to anyone and neither does he. If we gravitate back towards each other eventually then we do. If we meet new people and become happy with our separate lives, that's also Ok. 

I have senior year to look forward to and 4/+ years of college ahead of me! I'm excited about what is to come. And God has that man out there for me somewhere, but if I'm hanging onto the wrong one, how will I ever find him? 

If you're actually reading this, and actually care enough to know the information more in depth, text/call me. But I would rather not post my entire life story on the World Wide Web. 

Love yall. :)