Why is Today Awesome?

 If you've ever watched Five Awesome Girls on Youtube, then that question is a familiar one. "Why is today awesome?" probably doesn't cross our minds too often, especially days surrounded in stress. We tend to think about what's wrong with our day and what we can complain about. Or.... maybe that's just me. But recently I've tried to have that attitude. I have a mirror on my door, and in Expo marker it asks me that question as I leave my room every day. Some days, I have a lot to write on there. For example, one day I got a ton of good grades back, so I wrote that on there. Some days it's just one thing as simple as "I woke up to my alarm and didn't sleep in". That's still something that was awesome about the day. I've found that thinking about these awesome parts of my day makes me have a more gracious and thankful attitude. It's pretty neat. You should try it out.

 On a different, but not entirely unrelated note, I also have a tally chart on my mirror. I'm tallying all the days when I don't have soda. Do you know how much weight you can lose when you don't drink soda? It's crazy. I'm really trying to be more healthy. I weighed myself over the Thanksgiving holiday, and I was WAY more than I want to be. It's so easy to lose control of your weight, and if I continue to live the way I do, I will be in much worse shape. Hopefully this isn't just a phase of wanting to be healthy, but it actually stays and I lose some weight. We'll see. Pray for me, okay? 

The cold... It's coming!!!

I've discovered recently how much I absolutely love the cold weather. At least in South Carolina anyway...

In the summer, I always feel so gross. No matter what I wear, I'm always sweaty and a hot mess. I never look cute in the summer because it'll just look a mess later. I usually just put on a tshirt and some norts and call it a day. Now, there is nothing wrong with this! I love my norts and tshirts. It's the best! But...

In the cold weather I can wear cardigans! I can wear awesome scarves and flannel, and fuzzy socks! I can wear fleece pajamas, and my peacoat! I can wear awesome boots and sperrys. I swear, the only cute clothes I have are cold weather clothes. It's exciting when I can finally wear them!!!

Another thing I love about it getting cold is the fact that I have more of an excuse to wear yoga pants and drink hot coffee and chocolate at all hours of the day.

Also, cold weather means it's getting close to December! December means cookies with reindeer on them and marvelous Christmas music.

Can you tell how excited I am that it's getting cold??

Don't get warmer, Columbia!!! Pleeeeeeeeeeeeeease!

Not Ashamed

I am not ashamed of the Gospel.

If this statement is true, why I don't I talk about it more? Why am I so afraid to tell people that I believe that Jesus Christ died in my place to cover all of my inperfections? Why am I afraid to tell people what God's done in my life, in efforts to "not offend them". They have no problem "offending" me. When they believe in something, they let it known. It's extremely ironic that today is National Coming Out Day. These people are not ashamed to proclaim that they are proud of their sin. They delight in telling others what they believe is right. Why do I not have this same spirit? I think it's because I want to be liked. I want everyone to like me, so I just don't say anything that might offend them. That is crazy. I should be putting my life on the line for the One who died for me! I didn't deserve that love, and I still don't! What I do need to do, though, is show people that I am thankful and want to live my life for Him. The Gospel is for everyone, not just me and my friends. It's not just for people who are "open". It's not just for people who are easy to talk to. It is for EVERYONE! The Gospel is for the people who think they're too intelligent for it. The Gospel is for those who think they can handle life on their own. The Gospel is for those who believe in other gods. The Gospel is for those who are so against it, they'll kill people who preach it.

Now that I've been reminded of that, I need to act on it. I can't just sit around and wait for people to be "ready" and "open". They need to hear what God has done for them. It's amazing!! I can't be selfish and keep it to myself. 

Thinking about Christ's love for us never ceases to amaze me. He knows all our crap. We can't hide any of it from Him. YET, He loves us ANYWAY! This is insane, you know?! He knows my sinful heart. One of my favorite lines from a song is "You know the depths of my heart, and You love me the same." He loves us THE SAME! He doesn't  love us less or more because of where our heart is. He knows our sinful desires, knows what we do when no one else is around, knows our motives, knows our wicked wicked sin. But he continues to love us, and to pursue us. Does anyone else find that absolutely amazing?! It's so wonderful. 

One of the best parts about this, is that marriage is supposed to reflect this amazing love God has for His Church (aka us). Everything is out in the open: all of the faults, mistakes, and sin. Even through all of it, though, your spouse still loves you and continues to pursue you and the relationship between you. Gosh, that's amazing. This image of marriage is supposed to point others to Christ! Unfortunately, that's not how most marriages are these days. We aren't pointing to God's love for us. That's why God's unconditional love for us surprises us a lot of times. We aren't used to someone loving us despite all of our crazy and messed up lives. I love to see marriages that display that, though. It gives me hope that my marriage will be one that reflects Christ's love for me. Obviously, that's not really happening soon. But when it happens, it's gonna be awesome. 

The other blog for the other story

**disclaimer: I'm not trying to be all omgihaveaboyfriend. I blog about what's on my mind and my heart, and this is where I am right now. so chill out. you don't have to read it if you don't want to. so there.**

In my last blog I said I would save a story for another blog, and I suppose this is that blog. A couple months ago I wrote a blog about going to Chicago, and I compared it to liking someone and wanting to be with them, and then finding out that they like you and want to be with you just as much. Then I said I'd never experienced this completely.

So....

In previous relationships of mine, it's been the whole "omg I think he likes me, I should totes like him and we can be like together forever." (sorority girl voice, Daniel).  Either that, or I really liked him and tried to get friends/myself to convince him that I was worth dating. Guess what happened in all of those relationships? They.ended. *GASP!* What? All of my relationships thus far have ended? Caroline's a fail when it comes to dating? YES. This is all true. I know, it's so surprising, because if you know me you know how smooth I am (btw, it's like... negative smoothness. It's like the bumpiest dirt road you've ever driven on WHILE you have flat tires. yeah. it's that bad.) Well, that was a tangent I didn't expect to go on. ANYWAY!

This relationship is totes different. I've like Daniel for a long time. Like... you don't even know how long. And it's one of those situations where he was just too perfect, you know? Like, in the past, I was all "I can settle for this. He's pretty nice. I can learn to like him. I mean, he likes me. How bad could it be?" BUT there were always those guys (and I'm sure guys can relate to this too about girls) where I was just like, "he is way too good for me. I mean, look at him. He's cute, he's funny, he has tons of friends, he's really nice, and not embarrassing at all. Why would he like me? He deserves someone better. More on his level. I'm too much of a dork. We could only be friends."

You can ask my mom this, or any of my middle school friends, and they'll tell you the same thing. I think soccer players with hair in the JBiebs phase are the coolest. It might have to do with the fact that in middle school, those were the popular boys. They all played soccer and had their hair like that. And they were obviously out of my league. So here's Daniel. He played soccer in high school, he's got the hair thing going on, he's super funny and awesome, and everyone wants to be his friend. So if you've read any of this blog, you can probably understand why I wouldn't think he'd like me. Because honestly, what would a boy like that want with a girl like me. I'm not super skinny, I'm not blonde and popular, and I'm a super dork. So, I'm still in amazement. I don't know when or if this will wear off. I don't feel like I deserve him. If you talk to my bffl Caroline, she'll tell you how all summer I was like "Why would he like me, Caroline? He's too good for me. It won't happen." But you know what... it did. So I'm really happy about it. 

Decisions

So I'm a generally indecisive person. I don't know what caused this or when it became so apparent to me, but I've really been working on it recently. I didn't realize until yesterday how much that affects my life. The good part, though, is that it's both positive and negative! So we shall discuss... NOW!

I don't make decisions. That's just the fact of the matter. When someone asks me what I want to eat or where I want to go, I rarely make that decision.  It stresses me out to the max. I'm really not sure why, because it's not that big of a decision. In those cases, it doesn't matter too much that I can't say this or that, because it's not life changing or anything. It does become a problem, though, when it keeps you from making extremely important decisions. If you weren't already aware, I have a boyfriend now. His name is Daniel. He is amazing. You should meet him someday. And when we came to the point where we had to determine if our relationship was going to go down the friendship path or the dating path, obviously my initial reaction was for it to go down the dating path. That's what I've been wanting for months now. So knowing that, it should have only taken two seconds, right? Wrong. There were so many things we had to discuss. I know that makes it seem more of a logic thing than a "I really like you" thing, but they were very important things, I promise. I don't take dating lightly, which you should know if you've read my blogs. Dating someone, especially in college, is a HUGE decision to make. So all of these things clouded my mind and made me feel like because we had to talk about it for so long, maybe we should just wait. There was a completely other side of my brain though, that was all "Caroline. You've been praying about this forever. Yall just talked for an hour about this. Just. Say. Yes." Obviously I did say yes, but for a few hours it still didn't feel real. I still had those thoughts that I made the wrong decision and it would have been better the other way. (BTW those thoughts went away. They're just part of my terrible decision making skills. Which is why I don't make decisions. It's not fun)

So onto the good part about this. Because I had so many... not concerns, but more like things that needed to be addressed, I feel like we're going into this relationship more prepared/ready than I've ever gone into a relationship feeling. To my knowledge, there's nothing we didn't cover. If I had just said yes right off the bat, we wouldn't have talked about all of that. We wouldn't know how the other felt about something, or how the other one expects the relationship to go. I think that's a problem in a lot of relationships: lack of communication. So I guess that's the good part of that.

But honestly, it shouldn't have been so hard to make a decision. I really need to work on that. Or maybe my relationship with God needs to be stronger so I can clearly determine what He wants for my life. I don't know. All I know, is that I made a decision, and I don't regret it one bit. I'm still a little in shock that this is real life, and that he actually likes me. But that's a story for another blog. Moral of the story: MAKE DECISIONS! (but don't get ahead of yourself. think about them for a bit)

I hope all of you are getting back into the swing of school and all that jazz. If you go to USC, let's hang out. If you don't (*cough cough* Hamps), you should text me. because I miss you. And that's that, ladies and gentlemen. I need a nap. and by nap I mean sleep. So goodnight world! I hope you learned something today. If not... well that's unfortunate. 

ALL the things

I really love my friends. A lot of times, we start to hang out, intending to only be with each other for a little while. Four hours later, we're finally all going our separate ways. I love it SO MUCH! I can talk to this people about anything. I can completely be myself when I'm with these people. I don't have to pretend to be anything other than myself, because when I'm myself, that's the me they love. How awesome and great is that?

Also, Jesus. I feel like that's all I need to say, but it isn't! He is awesome. absolutely positively perfect. He provides everything I need. He comforts me when I need encouragement, He is with me when I feel alone. When I don't think I can do it, He lifts me up and does it through me. He's amazing.

Speaking of Jesus, I've learned to rely on Him even more now! This is something I still struggle with, but I used to struggle even more with relying on Him to provide what I need. Sure, the spiritual needs and emotional needs are easier to give up to Him. I found it the hardest to give up my physical possessions and needs to Him and trust that He will provide what I need in His time. I came to this realization last week sometime when I discovered that my financial aid wasn't going to be in on time according to the school and they had to hold my classes so they wouldn't be dropped. At that point I kept second guessing God's plan. I know for a fact that I'm supposed to be at USC. There are too many things God's given me the opportunity to be a part of for me not to be here. Because I know it's God's will for me to be here, wouldn't it make sense that God would provide my needs for me to STAY here. That seems like such a simple thought, and maybe it is, but I didn't think about it like that until recently. I always thought/worried that God's plan would make me unhappy, and He would take me away from the place I love and whisk me off to tech school or something. Obviously, I am so wrong! That's how a lot of us think, though. We think for some reason that if we give something up to God, He'll throw it to the ground and be like NO!!!! yeah. false. Sure, sometimes when we give things completely over to God, He won't do what we want. Like, if I really wasn't supposed to be at USC, He would make sure I was where I needed to be. But because I know for a fact that I'm supposed to be here, God's going to provide the means for me to stay here. That's really encouraging. I need to have that mindset for everything, I think. Especially when I go to the mission field. I know that's what God has planned for me, so He'll provide my physical needs while I'm there.

To quote a pretty super legit book called the Bible, "Therefore do not be anxious, saying, 'What shall we eat', or 'What shall we drink' or 'What shall we wear', for the Gentiles seek after all these things, and your Heavenly Father knows that you need them after all" -Matthew 6:31-32

Ignorance

So ignorance is a word that is commonly used in our society. A lot of people use it, and I don't think it truly expresses what they mean. Dictionary.com (yes, I use dictionary.com, it's legit) defines "ignorance" as "lack of knowledge, learning, information, etc." Most of the time I hear this when someone makes a stupid comment about some something and they are immediately called ignorant. This word has a lot of negative connotation behind it and usually a lot of anger. This summer I have realized what ignorance actually is, and why my patience level with these people has become greater.

So this summer I've been living in Chicago, which is a crazy diverse area. There are all kinds of cultures and ethnicities. The neighborhood I live in is populated by both Polish people, and Spanish-speaking people. There are times when I would call these people "hispanic" or "latin american", but the truth is, this offends them just as much as calling them Mexican does. When I said this, I had no idea what effect it might have on people. Luckily my supervisor corrected me, and I have tried to be cautious when I say things of that nature. I said hispanic out of ignorance, because I did not know that it was not appropriate. It is not that I am uneducated, racist, hateful, or anything else that gets roped in with the word ignorant.

Through the summer, though, I've had to tell others what I have learned. One person I worked with would call any Spanish-speaking/looking person "Mexican". They were not trying make a racist comment or to stereotype. They simply did not understand that it's not appropriate.

Another great example, is when one of the guys from a mission team came up to help us. We spoke to some girls from Ireland while doing prayer stations. Originally he asked if they were "British", which can be offensive if said to the wrong person. Later on in the conversation he called them Scottish, which is just as offensive. It is not that he was trying to be rude or offensive. He simply did not know.

Ignorance gets the best of all of us. I've grown tired of people using it as an insult. We are all ignorant about a lot of things. Don't think you are better than someone else just because no one has personally called you out on your ignorance.

Well that's my thoughts for the day. I'm going to get off my soap box now, because I don't think soap boxes exist anymore. I'm not sure I feel comfortable standing mid-air. Goodnight, all!

The crazy CTA

Though this is a Chicago story, this is not really related to ministry, so it belongs in this random blog of things. This week we have a mission team in from Indiana and they're doing awesome things and such, and on Wednesday I was supposed to meet them at the church at 9. I planned on getting to the bus stop at 8:30 just in case something happened and whatnot. Well, it turns out that the bus I got on wasn't going all the way to the end of the line like they usually do. it stopped for its last stop about 3 or 4 stops after mine. I was obviously shocked because she didn't tell me as I got on that the bus was stopping early or anything. If I had known I definitely would have waited for the next bus to come.

I currently don't have use of my phone because my charger decided it wasn't going to work anymore. So I have no idea what time it is or any idea of how long it'll take the next bus to get there once I get off, so I decide to just walk. Now, I've walked this way before, it's practically a straight shot, and I feel totally safe walking where I did at that time in the morning. As I walk, throughout the entire walk, two buses passed me. So really if I had been just a tiny little bit more patient, I would have been at the church earlier and without that much walking. I did get some exercise though. So I mean... that was good :)


The lesson of the day is this: 1. Don't let your phone die without a working charger 2. Make sure the bus you're getting on will take you to your stop 3. ALWAYS wear good walking shoes. luckily I did :) 

titles are so unnecessary

So recently I've been reading Paul's various letters in the new testament. I've noticed a pattern that I'd like to share briefly. Paul starts out his letters thanking God for that church and telling them they need to continue to stand firm and keep their minds pure and focus on loving people. Something interesting and completely applicable to my life right now is when Paul talks about how much he loves and misses those churches. He writes on multiple occasions how much he wishes he could be with them at that exact moment and is reminded of how much love he received when he was there. I've been feeling this same feeling ever since I got home. I miss all of my BCM friends who are spread across the US. I think about how much fun this year was and how much I loved it and how they loved me, too, and how we grew in Christ together. Just like Paul, I'm so encouraged when I hear about how God used them in Ohio and what they're about to embark on this summer. I know that when I go to Chicago it'll be that way as well, but this time it'll include my family. I know that I'll miss them. Through all of this, though, I know that I'll see all of them again. Whether I see them when I get back, or if I don't see them again until I'm in Heaven, I know I'll see them again. I am so encouraged by that, and it helps me, not necessarily miss them any less, but it helps me focus on what God wants me to do NOW. I can't focus on God's will if all of my attention is on the people I love and miss.

Don't get me wrong, I still miss everyone a ridiculous amount, I just know that I'll see you again, and that helps me a lot :) 

Just another blog post

Something I've loved doing lately is looking back and thinking about what's happened in order for me to be where I am. It's kind of amazing, really. I know it's one of those cliche things to say how "God has a reason for everything", but I've honestly found that to be true.

Here's one example of how crazy legit God is: I decided that my senior year of high school I was going to apply to be a Teaching Fellow which is a scholarship program that gives you a bunch of money, but also tells you where to go to school. So I went through the interview process and was crazy excited, but they kept putting off sending the acceptance letters. Since it decides what school you go to I was depending on that to tell me whether I should go to Winthrop or USC, since I got into both schools. Unfortunately, since the letters came out so late, I had to go ahead and send in the deposits to both schools, but doing all of the logistics for USC since that's where I really wanted to end up. However, I finally received the letter telling me that I did not receive the scholarship and that I would be put on a waiting list. Knowing this, I decided on USC which was one of the best decisions I ever made. About a month into fall semester I got a letter telling me that I could apply and transfer to College of Charleston if I wanted to be in the Teaching Fellows Program there, but I decided to stay on the waiting list for USC. I still haven't heard from them, but I consider it a blessing. If you receive the scholarship, you have to teach in South Carolina for the same number of years you are in the program. This would mean that instead of teaching as a ministry tool, like God's calling me to do wherever that may be, I would be stuck in South Carolina with no guarantee of a job for 3+ years. God used what I considered a miserable experience to lead me and open the door for His ministry! Crazy, eh?

I know that was really long, but I have another example of how crazy God works, and you don't have to read it if you don't want to. So here we go. I briefly mentioned in another blog post about how God led me to Chicago this summer. There's actually a little more to it. Way earlier in the year I thought about applying for a position for the Orientation Staff, mainly because they made my orientation experience amazing. So I looked at the application and realized that they required my SAT/ACT score for acceptance since I didn't have a college GPA yet. Unfortunately for me, both of my scores were not high enough, so I didn't even turn in the application. To be honest, this was a huge letdown for me. So I forgot about summer plans for awhile until I went to Converge in February. That's when I found out about Myrtle Beach and decided to pursue it. I went after it with all I had and really thought that's what God had in store for me this summer. Everything went well until I got an email telling me that, although I was super qualified, God was leading them in a different direction this summer and I wasn't going to be on staff with them. It may sound stupid, but I cried for hours about this. I had plans of my own that included a summer at the beach, but God had totally different plans for me. I thought it was the weirdest thing that I didn't get the job even though he said I was super qualified, but he sent all of my stuff to NAMB and well, the rest is history. God stepped in and said, "Caroline, I know your intentions are good. You want to serve me and that's great. However, this summer I'm going to change up your plans and take you somewhere way out of your comfort zone. Don't worry though. I've prepared you for this summer for a long time. I've given you all you need. All you have to do is use it."

Have I mentioned how excited I am for this summer? I AM SO EXCITED!!

So while I'm sitting here eating my Fritos I remembered that I made a resolution to blog at least once a week. ha. haha. yeah I failed that one just a little bit. But honestly, I should write a blog just to write one, because then the quality goes wayyyyyy down.

Well to update I still haven't started packing for Chicago or school. I keep finding things that are more important. These things include watching Youtube, watching The Office, hanging out with friends, watching Psych, reading Pride and Prejudice, and talking to friends. I haven't had the most productive month so far.

My to-do list is suuuuuper long, mainly because things get added, but never done. I still need to fill out my forms for NAMB before I go on the trip. I also need to pack, obviously. I need to start on the door decs and bulletin boards and stuffs. I also need to work a little more on the freshman Bible study book for next semester (btw it's going to be amazing).

so that'll all get done eventually I guess.  

reflections

Recently God's been convicting me about possessions. Everyone is concerned over what's new and what will make them fit in. I'm definitely included in this, and I've noticed it a lot lately. Every commercial is trying to get us to be dissatisfied with what we have and want what they're trying to sell. The person without their product is usually shown as "not cool" or someone who doesn't like to have fun. These things become something we think we need in order to move on with our lives. Then I go to downtown and see a man literally eating something from the trashcan. It broke my heart to see the reality of the world we live in. While I'm worried about whether or not I should get braces or what new clothes I want, people are struggling to find something to eat and a place to live. Recently I think about things before I saw "I need this", because most of the time I don't. As Christians we are called to live in the world, but not of the world, and have definitely been living of the world. Matthew 6:19-20 tells us "do not store up for yourself treasures on earth, where moth and rust destroy, and thieves break in and steal, but store up for yourselves in heaven..." Honestly, I forget this too much and I build up my treasures here on earth. I forget that everything here is temporary and that none of it will last. My wants should not come before someone else's needs. It's ridiculous that I can think I deserve $10 for myself rather than buying some dinner for a man who would otherwise be getting his dinner from a trashcan.

I like to Spam

Here the story: My senior year of high school, my lovely friend and I were in a really intense poke war on facebook. She decided to "win" and get ALL of her friends to write on my wall "Worthy wins. You lose", and if those friends were not friends with me, they sent me messages. This got ridiculous so I decided to "give up". I then told her that one day I'd get her back. She would not know when and she would not know how, but I'd get her back. Well last night I was awake much later than I should have been and decided to like all of her mobile photos on facebook. I also posted random videos on her wall. This really just started out as me loving her and being crazy like bffls are. THEN I remembered what I promised back in senior year, and decided that I was going to take it to a new level. So I wrote her a note one letter at a time on her wall. Then I rick-rolled her profile pictures which is always fun. Disclaimer: This was not to be mean. I love her oh so dearly. Also, this is the greatest pay back of all time.

God's Got This

So I've been freaking out lately over things that don't need me freaking out over them. Honestly it's just causing me more stress than necessary. But luckily I've decided to turn things over to God and opened up my Bible. John 14:1 "Do not let your hearts be troubled. Trust in God; trust also in me." John 14:27 "Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid." John 15:5 "I am the vine; you are the branches. If a man remains in me and I in him, he will bear much fruit; apart from me you can do nothing." John 16:33 "I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world." <--- WOW Also I've decided that this is my new life verse(s). Romans 10:14-15 "How, then, can they call on the one they have not believed in? And how can they believe in the one of whom they have not heard? And how can they hear without someone preaching to them? And how can they preach unless they are sent? As it is written, 'How beautiful are the feet of those who bring good news!'" So basically... God's got this. I don't need to worry about any of it.

Summer

So in the past month I've been stressing majorly about what I was going to do this summer. When I found out I wasn't going to Myrtle Beach, my heart sank. I had counted on that and was looking forward to it. However, this obviously was not God's plan for me. The coordinator in Myrtle sent all of my information to North American Mission Board and told me to apply because he thought that I was extremely qualified. I ended up applying and finding a summer missionary job in Chicago. It seemed like a far stretch since they were looking for only one person and that meant my chances of going were much smaller than I expected. I contacted the coordinators there and built a relationship with them within a couple of emails. My application went through and I was waiting ( quite impatiently)for the email that would determine my summer plans. Luckily that email came sooner than I thought and I discovered that I AM GOING TO CHICAGO!!!!!! After being "rejected" from one missions opportunity, I got really worried that no one would want me. It made me feel like a boy broke my heart and made me insecure, and then someone comes along and he wants to be with me just as much as I want to be with him. It's a perfect match! I haven't experienced this exact sensation, which is totally fine with me, but that's what I associated it with. I feel like I'm worth something! God's got a plan for me this summer and it wasn't in Myrtle Beach, no matter how much I thought it was. I'm going to be in THIRD largest city in the United States. What an opportunity! This is definitely not in my comfort zone, and Satan keeps trying to tell me that if I'm not comfortable, it's not right. But you know what? Satan's a liar! I might be nervous out of my mind of all these new experiences, but this is exactly where I need to be. God's going to transform my life in ways I can't even imagine! I'm so excited :) All of this being said, I'm going to create a different blog for the summer so I can share my experiences both spiritual and non-spiritual. If you'd be interested in following that let me know :) AHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!! :D

So my friend Caroline wanted me to write a blog post about her. I really don't know what to write about but... here we go. The other night I was being very productive, let me tell you. I had a Biology test to study for and believe me I was getting it done! As all Sunday nights go these days, though, I got a phone call from one Caroline Worthy. She comes over to my "residence hall" (sorry, I'm trying to train my mind like an RM) and tells me about her eventful weekend, eats her easymac, all that jazz. All the while I'm taking Biology notes and being a boss double tasking. We then talk about other junk. Around midnight, for some reason, we decided to have a little dance party in the study room. Mind you, there are windows surrounding us and people in the study room next to us and possibly below us, and it was past quiet hours. Did that stop us? NOPE! We're too awesome for rules. Then we decided to watch a few scenes from A Very Potter Sequel. If you've never watched it, just do it. Don't question, just do it. Then we realized it was almost one o'clock so I signed her out and she went on her merry way back to HER "residence hall". This is essentially what I do on Sunday nights. Sleep? What is that?

Constantly

I am constantly being humbled. Not only am I humbled in my interactions with other people, but I'm reminded that I am nothing compared to God. I have not accomplished anything in comparison to (well lots of people) everything God has done. In almost every song I listen to I am reminded of reality. For example, in the song "Give Me Faith", the lyrics of the bridge go something like this: I may be weak, but your Spirit's strong in me My flesh may fail, but my God you never will! This not only reminds me of how dependent we are on God, but how God can completely consume us and make us do a 180. I look back through time and history and the men God used were otherwise nothing. They only became something great and memorable because God consumed them. In all honesty, we are all worthless without Christ. We are sinful and evil people who deserve Hell. My education, my accomplishments, my "wealth": none of that makes a difference in my amount of worth. My identity is in Christ and him alone. Of course I forget that from time to time. I get so caught up in how I can change my looks in order to give myself worth. I stress out over homework and making myself seem smarter than I already am so I can gain the approval of my peers both in college and from high school. I've tried to find my worth in boys and relationships, but none of these things can give me true worth. Only Christ and his grace and mercy can do that. and thank you, God, for that. Otherwise I'd be absolutely hopeless.

You Either Have to Bring a Lamp, or dress like one...

Saturday was our Leadership Retreat for BCM and ohmygoodnessitwasamazing. I'm sure if I've expressed this is great detail, but I.Love.BCM. I feel like it's my second family. We all grow in Christ together and are so excited to get Christ on our campus. So at this "retreat", we planned for the rest of the semester and next year and let me just say that it's going to be amazing. After this wonderful day of wonderfulness, a bunch of awesome kids and I went to eat dinner together and then had a BAKING PARTY in my hall kitchen. We made brownies and these cookies that apparently no one liked, and tie dye cupcakes! They were pretty awesome. just saying. Later that night, I was having a conversation with my friend Gabby about something called a "Lamp Party". Apparently you either dress up like a lamp or bring a lamp. I don't understand why you would do that. It's like... the same logic as... you either dress up like a microwave, or you bring a microwave. Like... seriously? What is this nonsense?! The only reason I can see someone doing that is that they haven't paid their electric bill in forever, so their lights got turned off. In that case, no one should come to the party, because that person is just lazy and needs to pay his bills. In all seriousness, I do not understand. It makes no sense. AAAAAAAAHHHHHHhhhhhhhhhHHHHHHHHHHHHH

Ich will das!!!

Ich will! Ich will!

Never Again

I will never again tell God no when I feel him telling me to go somewhere. I will never again make money the reason why I can't go. This week a team from my church in Columbia is in Haiti on a mission trip and I wanted to go and knew I was supposed to go. I didn't though, because it cost over a thousand dollars and I didn't have a passport. I made excuses on why I couldn't go and I didn't. All week I have regretted that decision immensely. I see the pictures and my heart aches and I yearn to be there with those children. Although I am helping make pillows for children in Haiti, I feel like I should have a more immediate impact. So like I said, the moral of the story is to never make money the thing that keeps you from going on missions. I will go where God wants me to go and do what he wants me to do.

19 WHAAAAA??!!!

Hello there.

Today I turned 19. This is quite a weird age. Like... 18 was cool you know? You graduate high school when you're 18. You start college when you're 18. You can officially vote and buy cigarettes and lottery tickets. Now when you're 20, you're no longer a teenager! You're in a new stage of life. 19 though, nothing happens there. There's nothing special about this age. Birthday's are always fun though :) regardless of what age.

So for this particular birthday, I spent the night with one of my bestest friends, Worthy. Then today (my actual birthday), I spent time with my familia. We went to Five Guys, obviously the classiest place to eat, and then just hung out at home. My mom then took me to CVS to get *oh snap* makeup.

Now for those of you who know me (aka anyone who reads this) I don't wear too much makeup. It's just not my thing. So I got some simple stuff. BROWN mascara, some natural eye shadow color, some super legit EOS lip balm (the one that looks like a ball), and NAIL POLISH!!!

I like nail polish a lot... if you didn't already know that. awesome glitter. pretty colors. yay!

My mom also gave me some awesome sandals :) yay! They're super cute.

Tomorrow we're finishing my birthday. We're having awesome shrimp scampi pasta yumminess and then.. wait for it... GERMAN CHOCOLATE CAKE!! om nom freakin nom.

On a completely unrelated note, I've been watching my share of How I Met Your Mother recently. If you don't watch it, do it! please? pretty... please?

Life

So I'm not sure if I posted about this or not, but I got a Resident Mentor position for the 2012-2013 school year! I'm in my top residence hall and it's going to be awesome. I'm crazy excited about it!!!

Onto my summer plans. Currently I'm applying to do summer missions in Myrtle Beach. I feel like I've mentioned that here before, but I finally turned in my application and did my interview. I'm really nervous about this and really want to do it. I'm just afraid that I'm not what they're looking for, or I don't have enough experience, or I don't know. I feel like this is what God's calling me to do this summer, but if it's not he'll obviously close the door to that adventure. So... if I come across your mind... just pray about that.

I hope your life is going well. Hope it's interesting enough. Catch ya later :)

Spring Break Countdown: 7 MORE DAYS!!!

2 Timothy 1:6-9

"For this reason I remind you to fan into flame the gift of God, which is in you through the laying on of my hands. For God did not give us a spirit of timidity, but a spirit of power, of love, and of self discipline. So do not be ashamed to testify about our Lord, or ashamed of me his prisoner. But join with me in suffering for the gospel, by the power of God, who has saved us and called us to a holy life-- not because of anything we have done but because of his own purpose and grace. This grace was given us in Christ Jesus before the beginning of time, but it has now been revealed through the appearing of our Savior, Christ Jesus, who has destroyed death and has brought life and immortality to light through the gospel."

All I have to say to this is Amen.

Domestic Violence?

DUDE. this just happened. So... I was using the bathroom, and the way our bathrooms are set up I can basically hear everything that happens in the floor above us. Usually all I can hear is music, but today... oh man. All of a sudden there is screaming and yelling and cussing and it's INTENSE! I couldn't make out exactly WHAT they were saying, unfortunately. Kelsey came in the room later and I told her what happened and we listened some more and suddenly we hear a SLAP!

She slapped him!!! This was seriously one of the most intense moments of my young adult life. Quite scandalous, this. Kelsey wants to make a little note that says "violence isn't the answer" and put it on the door and run. I think she should, but mainly because it'd be entertaining. This is crazy.

I'd love to stay and chat, but I'm going to go see if I can hear some more drama. :)

Why??

What is wrong with me? Why don't I proclaim the gospel every chance I get? The wages of sin is DEATH, and I don't think it's important enough to make things a little socially awkward. Gosh, why doesn't this go through my mind enough?

Valentine's Day?

BCM could not have chosen a better time to start a relationship series than February 14th, aka Valentine's Day. This was my first year being single on this lovely day since 7th grade (which is insane). Truthfully, this has been my favorite valentine's day ever. I spent it with friends who I knew cared about me. I made this day better for a recently single friend of mine with a box full of encouraging notes. I really focused on loving others and loving God today.
So going back to BCM, tonight we talked about what characteristics a Godly man should have. Through all of the qualities, not only did I make a mental note for looking for a guy, but it made me wonder about myself as well. Was I all of those things? Am I spiritually disciplined? Am I a woman of God that men can look at and say, "Wow. Look at her relationship with God. I want a woman like that."?
Now, I don't know if I've said this on here or not, but I want to wait until July to start seriously considering dating anyone. This really works because no one seems to show much interest in me right now. So in this time I'm going to try to be this woman of God. I'm going to dive into the word and study and apply it to my life. I'm going to have a gentle spirit and a humble heart. If I can't do this on my own, what makes me think I'll be able to do this in a relationship? So I'm going to use this time well.

Next week is how to become a Godly woman and what guys should seek in a wife. Should be fun :)

AHHHHHHHHHH

Converge is super super soon and I'm super super excited.

So anyways. Every Wednesday night a group of people go out to the Horseshoe and sing worship music and such. So tonight, just like any other Wednesday night, I went out there with a bunch of my friends. So we start singing and a guy passes by and says "We're stupid! We believe!", which of course didn't stop us from praising God. Then he starts yelling and cussing say things like "You're wasting your life!" etc., etc. After we finished the song we were singing we prayed for him and two of the guys from our group went to talk to him. I have no idea what happened with him personally, but it kind of became a focus of our worship time. We began to think of how lucky we are to live in a country where that's just about the worst of the persecution we could receive for doing what we were doing. In other countries, we could be murdered or put in jail for publicly worshiping Jesus. My high school experience taught me that not everyone is going to be happy that I'm a Christian, and some people are very violent with their opinions. For some people, though, I suppose that was their first experience with something like that. All I can do is pray for him and his situation.

Another thing I thought was particularly amazing is that when we went out there it was raining, so we were going to move to this guy's house and do it. When it stopped raining, we decided to stay outside. If it hadn't stopped raining, he wouldn't have been able to walk by and hear us singing. If he hadn't heard us singing, he wouldn't have been able to yell at us. If he hadn't have yelled at us, those two guys wouldn't have been able to go talk to him and witness to him. All of this because it stopped raining. Amazing.

Dang

Well this week came and went in a flash. Maybe it's because I was doing something practically every day or the fact that I'm looking forward to next weekend more than this weekend. I have no idea.

Why am I looking forward to next weekend?, you may be asking.

You see there's a conference called Converge that takes place in February in Myrtle Beach every year. It's the state-wide BCM conference. So basically college students from all over the great state of South Carolina will be coming together and going crazy. lol. I'm crazy excited. My older sister was a part of her BCM in college and was telling me that Converge is one of the best experiences ever. I'm also really excited to get to know more people in BCM and such and such. Unfortunately, there's another week ahead of me until I can experience this awesomeness. ARG. It's going to go by super slow too, I bet. Oh time. What an interesting thing. When we wish for it to pass us, it goes even slower.

It's kind of like cars come to think of it. When we're going with the flow it doesn't seem to bother us at all. When we're in a hurry though, we tend to get impatient and get closer to the car in front of us in effort to get it to speed up. Most of the time, though, that car decides to teach you an important virtue and go exactly the speed limit so you can't go faster.

At some point, the driver is over the patience lesson and decides to pass that car in front of them. Although you can't exactly get ahead of time, we do tend to move so fast that we lose the memories (or possible memories depending on how fast you're going) that come with experiencing life alongside time.

This analogy may not have made sense. I had an 8am this morning so I'm basically only awake because of my best friend, coffee. Oh what a guy. It makes sense to me, though, so... yeah. Maybe you just need some sleep deprivation and coffee.

Also, I'm regrettably never this eloquent (if you call this eloquent) in person. All I say is "herp derp derp, Harry Potter. herp herpity derp, I'm so fat." yeah. That's my life.

This post is the result of a very tired Caroline

I have an 8am discussion class tomorrow for history which also happens to include a quiz. I am currently reading the material from this week and it is the longest and most uninteresting chapter in the book I swear. I wasted some time doing some laundry, but then discovered how tired I truly am. Now I am drinking some Coke in desperation to stay awake long enough to read this crap. I am afraid, however, that drinking the Coke will cause me to stay away longer than planned and I will become so tired when I finally go to sleep that I will end up sleeping through my class. That would happen to me. That's my luck. Well... Let's see how this goes...

It's Saturday and I haven't blogged yet this week

Wow. So this week I went back to school and started my new classes for the semester. Let me just say that I feel super smart in the majority of my classes. Like you know when you're in high school and you're in all honors/AP/IB classes and then you have to take that one CP class because that's the only level they offer? You know how smart you feel in that class and how everyone looks at you like "omg she is such a genius". Yeah. That's kind of my life currently. Stat 110 apparently has very little to do with actual math. Right now we're discussing the different parts in experiments. Ex. So and so is doing an experiment on plots of land. He puts fertilizers a, b, and c in the different plots and measures the wheat yield. What is the individual and what are the variables?

Easy, right? Most of this reminds me of Psychology and it's amazing. I'm also taking Elementary Math, because I kind of need it if I want to teach elementary school. but ANYWAY, yesterday we were going over some problem solving things and while a lot of people drew pictures and did guess and check (which are both perfectly fine and useful and I do them too) I made a system of equations. Stuff we did in 8th grade you know? I got up and explained what I did, which was no big deal, get back to my seat, and the girl sitting next to me asks me if I'm a math major. If you know me, you know how funny that question really is. Seriously, though, I feel like the smartest kid ever. It's pretty great.

As for my other classes, Bio isn't that bad so far. We don't start labs for another week, so all we've done so far is take notes. I have some friends in the lecture so I always have someone to sit with and I don't need to worry about finding a study group or whatever. I'm also taking an education course about "information literacy". Basically we're discussing how to use the library and other resources in our lesson plans and teaching strategies. It's pretty boring so far, but then again I've only had 2 classes. Next week we're going to the Edventure Museum for the frees which is CRAZY EXCITING! The last class I'm taking is American History post Civil War. It's interesting enough. My professor uses a lot of video to keep our attention. I can't wait until our discussion classes though, because I want to ARGUE! My professor did the stereotypical "Slavery was the cause of the civil war" thing. He even highlighted parts of the succession letters and showed how the main reason for succession was slavery. He did not discuss, however, that most families in the south did not have slaves because they were too poor. He barely went over that it was about state's rights in all ways, not just slavery. arg. Just wait until next Friday, Mr. TA. We're going to have a lovely discussion about the winners writing the history books.

So that's been my week. We'll see how the rest of the semester goes. Oh my goodness I almost forgot. I did zumba 2 times this week. My muscles are super sore. I don't even know how I can still walk. Seriously. Well have an awesome week! Hopefully next week I won't wait until the last minute to blog. psh who am I kidding? Of course I'm going to wait until the last minute.

Passion 2012

Oh how I wish I was in Atlanta right now. Luckily for me, they livestream every session online so I can still watch. So far it's been amazing!!!

For those who have no idea what Passion is, it's a Christian conference for 18-25 year olds. I don't know if they always have it in Atlanta, but that's where it is this year. It's led by Passion City Church whose pastor is Louie Giglio and worship leader is Chris Tomlin. They also usually have Kristian Stanfill and Hillsong as worship leaders. For speakers they have Beth Moore, Francis Chan, and a few others.

I would have gone this year, but it kind of costs over $200. I honestly just didn't have that money this year. I think next year I'm going to try to go, but it all depends on if I'm an RM or not. RM's have to move in early to campus, so I'm afraid if I get the job I won't be able to go. I will make it a priority to go to Passion at least once in my college career.

Watching it online has been so amazing! They're raising money for prevention, freedom, and recovery from human trafficking. It's so amazing because I just did a paper on human trafficking and what can be done to solve the problem. Did you know that there are more slaves in the world today than ever in history? How crazy insane is that?! I have loved every.single.thing I have heard. Obviously I wish I could be a part of every aspect that's going on, but I'm glad I have the ability to be involved in the worship and hear the sessions along with over 45,000 college students.

If you ever have the opportunity to go, GO!!! Don't even hesitate. It'll change your life. And if you want to tune in, the live stream is at http://live.268generation.com/passion_sessions/session-four/